Memoirs of a Stotch
by DeadZoneCuba
Summary: Various journal entries give us a closer look into the mind and feelings of Butters Stotch.
1. October 1st, 2005

Memoirs of a Stotch

Date: October 1st, 2005

Time: 7:45 PM

I've been told that writing down how I feel into a journal will help me to "relax", to "clear my mind", to "cheer me up" and keep me from being so depressed that I'll cut myself. I highly doubt the power of writing can do that sort of thing with the way my life is, but, I'm willing to give it a shot.

Just to introduce myself, my name is Butters Stotch, I'm 16 years old, and I live in South Park, Colorado.

It seems kind of pointless to describe myself and my home and school life here when I'll probably be the only person who ever reads it, but, I suppose, if my mom and dad were to ever find it, or any of the other kids in the neighborhood, they would want a good, non-vague read, so here goes. I'm really not much to look at appearance wise, I have short blond hair and blue eyes, and a rather scrawny build for a guy my age (I've seen some of the football players at our high school working out, and they look like roided up freaks, something I'd rather not be, so, here I am.)

I'm an only child, and my parents, Chris and Linda Stotch, are still together, and I live with them. For some strange reason, they started calling me Butters when I was just a baby, despite the fact that my real name is Leopold. (When I asked them why they called me Butters, and still do, they claim it's because my hair looks like "butter", but knowing them, it was probably some other lame, idiotic, spiteful reason that they did it.) My whole life my parents have been kind of, what's a good way to word it, assholes to me. I tried and tried, bent over fucking backwards even, to please them in every way, school work, social skills, everything, and yet they always found some reason to punish me or to yell at me about something. It seemed that they were either not satisfied with things I was doing in life, or, they were thinking up of ridiculous reasons to punish me, and this was one of the main things that led to my mostly non-existent social life.

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie here, I have no friends whatsoever. Well no, scratch that, I do have Pip and Dougie as friends, but Pip is picked on and harassed just as much as I am, and Dougie is younger then me by a few years, so counting him as a friend just gets me strange looks and sarcastic comments, both from my parents, and from the kids I go to school with. (It's as if having a slightly younger guy as a friend makes me Michael Jackson or something, just goes to show you how screwed up this town is, like everyone else says.) However, I want to make it clear that I'm not some kind of emo-goth now because of it. I don't dress all in black, listen to Marilyn Manson, and talk about death and horrible voids and shit like that. Do I get depressed a lot? Yes. Have I thought once or twice about cutting my wrists to see what happens? Yes. But I sure as heck haven't tried cutting, nor do I think I'll ever sink so far into depression that I will do it.

Now that you know that I pretty much have very few friends to call my own, you could probably put two and two together and conclude that I also don't have a girlfriend. Yep, I've been single since I came of an age where I could date someone. That doesn't mean I haven't tried to find someone though. Yes, I admit it, I've done a few desperate things to try and get a girlfriend. No, correction, I've done a lot of very "pathetic", desperate things to get a girlfriend (Poems, songs, pick-up lines, the whole magilla.), but nothing ever works. Whether I try to act like a "bad boy" or try to act like myself, a generally nice guy, I find it always gets me rejection. It's funny, I look at brain dead, ugly goons like Token Black and Eric Cartman, both of whom have steady girlfriends, and I wonder to myself "How the hell do they do it? What kind of spark, what kind of "something" do they have that makes girls like them so much?" As much as I hate the both of them for what they usually do to me on a daily basis, I would kill to have at least that charm or spark that they have that attracts girls to them.

Of all of the girls that I've tried to date, there's one in particular that I have a special place in my heart for. She's one who, regardless of how my day is, regardless of how many lockers I get stuffed into by Eric and his guys during the morning, seeing her brightens up my day, even a little bit, and actually makes me happy. Her name is Bebe Stevens.

Bebe is probably one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen, just an overall great looking babe. She has the nicest pair of tits you could ever imagine, (I ought to know, I've stared at them many a times during Spanish class), great looking legs, and just an incredible, killer body. The only problem is though, she's as stuck up as stuck up can be, a snob, part of that "elite" circle of popular kids that blow off other kids who aren't as "elite" as them in anyway. If you dare act a little nerdish, or if you're the slightest bit ugly to them, you're considered an outcast, or, as Stan Marsh plainly put it, a "Melvin."

Bebe doesn't completely ignore me though, unfortunately, that doesn't mean she adores me either. Let's just say she talks to me and is friendly when she really needs something for herself, mainly, math class notes. I'll call a spade a spade here, Bebe might be ridiculously good looking, but she really is as dumb as a post when it comes to school. She's a head cheerleader, but probably couldn't solve the simplest of math equations. (Really, if you want my opinion, the only reason she gets good grades is because she either cheats off of the nerds in school, or she gets answers from Wendy Testaburger, her best friend.)

So yeah, Bebe will act all sweet and nice when it comes to acquiring math notes, but outside of that, she acts like I don't exist. I could walk right up to her, look her straight in the eyes, and say hello, and she's walk by as if I was invisible. But hey, after 17 years, I'm kind of used to it.

Ah well, that's enough of this for tonight, I'll write in this journal again when the mood strikes me, it might be tomorrow, it might be a week from now, who knows, but rest assured, with my life, I know I'll have a hell of a lot of more shit to say.

Butters out.


	2. October 7th, 2005

October 7th, 2005

Time: 6:35 PM

I told you I'd be back didn't I?

This week has gone by with the usual events happening to me. You know, Eric and Token and the rest of the football team stuffing me into lockers and making fun of me endlessly, my parents finding various stupid excuses to punish or yell at me, Bebe not giving me the time of day.

Actually, scratch that last one, as something kind of strange happened after school today that involved me and Bebe. It was about 3:30 when it occurred. I was going over towards my car, getting ready to pull out of the lot and go home, when, of course, who comes over but the Three Stooges themselves, Eric, Token, and Craig. They had some time before football practice started, so I guess they needed to bust my balls to amuse themselves while they waited. Eric and Token I kinda expected to show up, but Craig is usually one of the more quiet kids, both on the football team or in general. I guess Eric, in his usual, charming (in a bad way) fashion, convinced Craig to come along for this round of hurting me.

I won't go into exactly what went down, as I'm not really that good at describing things in detail, and I'm also too fucking angry at this constant crap they pull on me, but I'll try my best to summarize it. For the most part, Token, in his oh so "eloquent" way, went through all of his tired, cliché "gay" terms that he had for me. You know, fag, queer, the whole kit and caboodle. These comments do hurt yes, but at the same time, I kind of think it's pathetic that he can't think of anything original, and that he has to go down to the level of a 5th or 6th grader with the terms he uses against me.

Anyway, Though I wanted to just deck Token in the face then and there, two things stopped me. For one, I'm usually not a violent person, I feel it's best to just ignore the stupidity that comes from Token and the others and just walk away. And secondly, I'm as weak as shit, and if I even attempted to punch him, not only would it probably not hurt Token, I'd probably get my ass kicked. So there I was, just standing there like a fucking goof, taking all of this shit from Token, Eric, and Craig, when all of a sudden, there she was. Bebe Stevens herself!

She stormed over and yelled at the three of them, telling them to leave me alone and go bother someone their own size. I have to admit, I was shocked and floored at this, but at the same time, I was kind of suspicious too. It is well known that Token and Eric and Craig are in the "cool circle" along with Bebe, so a part of me was thinking that she and them were in cahoots somehow to lull me into a false sense of security before pulling another prank on me. But no, she continued the scolding of them until all three just kinda went away. However, the look of death that Eric gave me as they went off pretty much hinted that I was in for it from them come tomorrow morning. I guess an ass kicking, then getting stuffed in a locker will happen huh?

Anyway, back to Bebe and me. After they left, she took my hand in hers gently and asked if I was ok. I was still kinda shocked and suspicious, so I was hesitant to answer at first, but then I nodded my head yes. Then she smiled at me, oh God how sexy and hot she looks when she smiles (even hotter then she usually is), and said some words to me that are still buzzing around in my head at this very moment.

"You don't deserve to be treated like that Butters. If they ever do it again, don't hesitate to tell me."

We probably would have kept on talking, but she excused herself to get to cheerleading practice. I drove home and did my homework in the happiest of moods, The happiest I've been in a while. But, as of an hour or so ago, I started to think about the situation more carefully. Has she actually had a change of heart somehow, or does she have some kind of prank of her sleeve with the others? I'd rather not just be naive and say she is changing (As that's always given me nothing but pain in the past), so, I've come to a decision. Come tomorrow in home room, I'm gonna pull her aside and ask her bluntly what this coming to my rescue is about. I'm 99.9 percent sure I won't like the answer she gives, but hey, there's still that .1 percent that may be good. So I'm not worried.

Ah well, my mom's calling me down for dinner now, so I'll just finish up writing for tonight. I hope for the best tomorrow

Butters out.


	3. October 8th, 2005

October 8th, 2005

Time: 11:00 PM

Well, I'd like to say I'm in a good mood today, but I'm not gonna lie, I sure as hell ain't.

I had a chance at lunchtime to talk to Bebe and get the story behind why she stood up for me against Eric, Token, and Craig (Who, by the way, surprisingly didn't bother me today, quite possibly a first!), but when I finally approached the lunch table she usually sits at, what did I see? Not Bebe as she usually was, talking with the other cheerleader girls, but her sitting in Craig's lap. And what was that jerk, that obnoxious prick doing to her? He was suckling on her neck and kissing it like there was no tomorrow! To top all of that off, Bebe was giggling, looking for all the world like she was having a damn good time!

I knew it! I freaking knew it! I knew she really didn't feel sorry for me! All she did was start a set up for some kind of prank to be pulled on me at some future date. Ah, but what that bitch doesn't know is that I have the upper hand for the time being, I saw her with Craig and all smiles, and if she dares come up to me now and says how sorry she felt that he was one of the guys who was picking on me that day, I'll drop the bomb on her but good!

Anyway, for the rest of the day, I was pretty bummed at my discovery in the lunch room, so, after getting home and just laying in my bed, staring up at the ceiling for a couple of hours, I finally decided to go to the one place where I feel somewhat in a better mood whenever my day is shittier then usual. So, I gathered up all of the money in my wallet, "borrowed" a bit more from my dad's wallet (Hey, if he wants to treat me like shit all of the time, I feel the right to take his money anytime I want!), and took my car for a drive to the middle of town to a little strip club called "Luscious".

Having gone several times to a place called "Raisin's" when I was younger, going into a strip club didn't really phase me too much (Though technically, all of the girls at Raisin's were 9 and 10 years old at the time, as was I when I went there, so it wasn't like anything crazy was going on there except for some dancing from the girls.) Being a frequent "customer" to Luscious, the bouncer let me in without much of a fuss. I soon found myself sitting down at one of the many seedy looking, dirty tables in the place as three women were doing there "thing" on stage. After watching that for a few minutes, I felt like getting an up close look at one of them, so I signaled over the closest one to me and flashed the money I had before her. She didn't even need to ask why, as I was simply doing the international sign for a lap dance, every stripper knows that one.

The girl was really something, I got to tell you. She had long, silky looking red hair, nice, hazel looking eyes, had on a nice looking black negligee, fucking enormous tits (Sure their fake, but they still look impressive), and large lips like you couldn't imagine. You know, the type that looks like they could suck a watermelon through a garden hose?

Having gotten many a lap dance in this place in the past, the actions this girl gave to me were nothing new, but still, by about two or three minutes into it, I could feel my little Butters rising to attention, if you catch my drift. Looking in a nearby mirror, I saw myself smiling during the dance, and yet, I still felt a small something wrong inside of me. For some reason, every so often, my thoughts kept going back to Bebe. I was just so damn confused, why the hell had she stood up for me, only to have Craig, one of the guys who was harassing me that day in the parking lot, all over here the next day. With all of this in my mind, I guess the stripper kind of saw that I wasn't really paying attention, as soon, she leaned down to my ear and spoke to me.

"What's the problem sexy? You look kind of down?"

I wanted to tell her that I was fine and too continue her sexy little dance, but, something inside of me just kind of made me spill out all of the stuff about Bebe that I had on my mind. The stripper seemed a bit annoyed that I was going on about another girl rather then getting into her, but at the same time, she also seemed sympathetic to me, so I guess that's kind of cool.

Anyway, I left the strip joint after about an hour, as even that wasn't making me feel totally better. I got home about a half hour ago, and have been sitting here in my room, writing, ever since.

Tomorrow is Saturday, so I'm just gonna do my usual beginning weekend routine, watch TV, write, and play video games. Hell, it's not like I have a social calendar bursting with things to do right?

Butters Out.


End file.
